A Submissive’s Mindset

This morning after our scene Little Kaninchen continued to query me as to if I was being satisfied during our play.  Kaninchen’ s concern regarding my sexual satisfaction was quite noble and benevolent.  However, while Kaninchen is concerned about me and my pleasure she is no longer in the proper mindset.

My mindset as a Dominant during our scenes is one of laser focus on my submissive and her reactions to my every input.  As Kaninchen’s husDom I consider her body to be my tool, a tool that I use for my own pleasure.

In order for me to be successful as the conductor of the scene I need to have my submissive’s mind completely clear of distractions.  It is not her place to satisfy me unless I have honored her with the task.  Kaninchen’s mind should be focused on the experience that I am providing for her.  This acute focus is the only way that I can take her to the edge and beyond.

Though her intentions may be well placed, her concern of my satisfaction actually distracts from the scene.

Submissive vs. Slave

The term slave makes a lot of newer husDoms quite uneasy, myself included. As my journey progressed I began to realize that the term slave in the BDSM community can be, and often is, defined differently by many people. It may be beneficial to the contemporary husDom if the differences were identified and discussed from the perspective of husDom.

Everyone has their own perception of the meaning of the word slave, most of which, rightfully so, are not good. When we hear the word slave most people envision a person or individual that is owned by another person and who is being forced to serve that person against their will. In general most people would agree that this type of slavery is abominable.

There are some notable differences between this type of slavery and slavery in the BDSM community. Probably the most significant difference is that the slave in the BDSM community is not a slave against their will, they have submitted to their Master willfully. With this submission they have given themselves to be owned and cared for by another. And in today’s society, since slavery is not legal in almost every corner of the world the slave is not legally owned by their Master and has the power to leave at any time. This BDSM slavery is often referred to as consensual slavery.

A slave in a consensual slavery relationship has given up all of their rights and privileges to their Master. The slave is now the property of another, metaphorically speaking. The slave does not set their own limits, hard or soft; those limits are set by their Master. In other words, the slave is not afforded the right to have any definitive input as to her comfort level or limits.

A slave in a consensual slavery relationship is not provided the luxury of a safe word. The slave is completely at the mercy of her Master’s judgment relying solely on his intuition and instinct.

In fact, the Master does not require the consent of the slave for anything. They have complete power and control over all aspects of the slave’s life. A slave should be extra vigilant before surrendering to a Master.

If a slave and their Master were attending a party and the Master ordered his slave to crawl over to another Master on her hands and knees and orally pleasure him, the slave would without hesitation. She has surrendered all of her rights to her Master and is now considered his property to do with as he pleases.

A submissive, on the other hand, does retain some key responsibilities in a D/s relationship. The submissive, unlike the slave, has the right to set and alter her limits. This allows the submissive the ability to help set the basic boundaries of the D/s relationship. The submissive will also be given a safe word to use in the event that she would require everything to slow down or stop altogether.

The rules that I have structured for my LK and myself allow her to have a voice and be heard anytime she desires. The rules that we agreed to ensure that she communicates with respect. And if I am who or what I say that I am, I will be communicating with respect as well.

Mr. Fox

Total Power Exchange (TPE)

Recently someone had written me an email and referenced a TPE or Total Power Exchange relationship. HusDom is not written through the eyes of a Master but rather through the eyes of a Dominant husband that is sharing his journey into the D/s-M lifestyle to help others navigate their own journeys more easily. There are several terms within the BDSM community that I feel, have specific meanings and are all too often incorrectly interchanged, TPE is one of those terms.

The Total Power Exchange (TPE) is when one of the partners gives up total power and control to the other person. Total Power Exchange is also sometimes referred to as an Absolute Power Exchange or Consensual Slavery.

A Total Power Exchange means that you have given up complete control to another person. Along with this control you have also surrendered all of your rights as a person. You are truly considered the other persons property. You are not just the Dominant’s submissive any longer, you are now the Dominant’s slave, consensual slavery. This type of commitment requires absolute and unconditional surrender.

In a TPE relationship the slave’s limits are not set by her, they are set by her master. Think about that for a minute. A slave has no limits. Her limits are whatever her Master desires. A slave’s master has total control over her. A slave doesn’t have the luxury to set her own hard and soft limits, a slave’s limits are set by her master. Again, a slave’s limits are whatever her Master desires. A safe word is not afforded to a slave.

In a true TPE relationship a slave has given up or “exchanged” her rights, all of her rights, for the protection and care of her Master. The Master no longer requires the slaves consent for anything.

Kaninchen and I do not have a Total Power Exchange relationship. Little Kaninchen is not my slave but rather my submissive. As a husDom I do not own her and her submission, I am continually working toward and earning her submission every day.

Our power exchange would best be described by the Power Exchange Circle that Kaninchen and I have created in order to articulate our exchange. Kaninchen has chosen me to be the leader and has surrendered her submission to me and in turn I offer her my dominance. By doing this we continue to feed one another’s mind body and soul.

Though I am her Dominant and she is my submissive she can withdraw her submission at anytime, which in turn would emasculate my dominance. I do not own her as you would a slave. This circle is what keeps us both actively engaged and encourages us both to continue growing in our D/s relationship.

husDom