A Submissive’s Mindset

This morning after our scene Little Kaninchen continued to query me as to if I was being satisfied during our play.  Kaninchen’ s concern regarding my sexual satisfaction was quite noble and benevolent.  However, while Kaninchen is concerned about me and my pleasure she is no longer in the proper mindset.

My mindset as a Dominant during our scenes is one of laser focus on my submissive and her reactions to my every input.  As Kaninchen’s husDom I consider her body to be my tool, a tool that I use for my own pleasure.

In order for me to be successful as the conductor of the scene I need to have my submissive’s mind completely clear of distractions.  It is not her place to satisfy me unless I have honored her with the task.  Kaninchen’s mind should be focused on the experience that I am providing for her.  This acute focus is the only way that I can take her to the edge and beyond.

Though her intentions may be well placed, her concern of my satisfaction actually distracts from the scene.

Rule #2

Aftercare

I would love to see a post on after care.

Adequate aftercare could well be the the single most important aspect of a D/s relationship. This statement applies to any type of relationship, married or not.

It has been much to my surprise to find that aftercare appears to be deficient, if not a completely overlooked procedure in some D/s relationships. Good aftercare is crucial for the submissive and equally as important for the dominant.

Aftercare should begin right after touchdown. The plane may have landed but the flight is not over. The captain still has a significant responsibility getting the aircraft to the gate and deplaning the passengers.

After the scene is over your submissive is in an extremely vulnerable state. If she has journeyed into sub-space during play she will need some time to unwind while her mind catches back up to her body. Her endorphin driven trance-like state is euphoric and similar to being heavily sedated. Often times my LK will become cold within minutes and almost feel as though something is wrong, panicked, vulnerable. This is where it becomes extremely important that I administer the proper aftercare.

Experience tells me that LK will become chilled right after play. She needs to be quickly dried of any residual wetness and placed somewhere dry. She will also require that I cover her with a blanket to keep her warm. I will usually lay right up against her back, spooning, in an effort to maintain her core temperature, skin on skin. My holding her in this manner also assures her that she is safe; that I am there to protect her.

I stroke my Little Kaninchen’s hair and rub her entire body. The areas of her body that I have left marked, bruised or sore I carefully rub with Arnicare, a homeopathic medicine for muscle pain, bruising and swelling. I tell her how she has pleased me during the scene. It is a wonderful time for me to express to her how much I appreciate her submission and that I am proud of her and her conduct. I may offer her a drink or offer to help assist her to the restroom. It is paramount after a heavy scene that your submissive hydrates. My LK is quite the squirter and even with proper hydration immediately after our scene, her eyes will be dry and irritated later the same evening. It is equally important that you have your submissive use the restroom shortly after play, especially if there was any anal play involved. Woman are definitely susceptible to urinary track infections associated with sex.

Most of the time my LK will have been in a deep sub-space and she is completely exhausted. She physically and verbally may respond very little to my comments if at all, and drift right off to sleep. None the less I recognize the significant psychological impact my aftercare has on her. Even if she does not answer me and I know she won’t remember exactly what  I say to her, I am confident that me holding her and the soothing sound of my voice helps reassure her that everything is alright and that she is safe.

I try to stay with LK even while she rests. I believe it is beneficial that when she wakes I am right there by her side to once again hold her and discuss our scene. If she is sleeping soundly and I think she may not wake anytime soon I may begin to clean up our scene, but once finished I crawl directly back into my bed beside her with my iPad and stay by LK’s side until she wakes. As soon as she wakes I put the iPad down and immediately go back to spooning, rubbing and telling her how incredible she was. Once again telling her that I appreciate her submission, that I am proud of her and that she is a good girl.

It is my personal preference but I usually instruct LK not to wear any lotion before our play. I relish the smell of her bare skin. When her skin is well lotioned it tends to get cold during flogging. Usually during aftercare I make sure to lotion her entire body. Since my submissive is my prized possession I need to ensure that I leave her in better condition then when I started with her.

In summary, be sure to put your submissive away better than when you got her out!

husDom

Rule #1

Sub-Space

In D/s there is a power exchange that takes place. The submissive gives her power to the dominant and he in turn accepts it and takes control. The submissive relinquishes her power in order to clear her mind from responsibility. This is why it is monumentally important the the submissive completely trust her dominant.. Without genuine trust she can never positively surrender total control. I also believe that this level of required trust gives the married D/s couple an advantage, LK immediately trusted me unconditionally.

I believe that this is where a certain dynamic takes place for the submissive. As I said earlier, the submissive relinquishes her control to the dominant in order to clear her mind. This is similar to a meditative state of mind. If the absolute trust is present the submissive will let down all of her barriers and allow herself to become totally vulnerable. At this point her mind begins to relax and slow. As the scene continues to build her mind will begin to slip into sub-space. Yes, I realize that actual sub-space or deep sub-space is a condition lead to by a release of endorphins created by intense experiences of both pleasure and pain, however, I feel that if the submissive is unsure or doesn’t posses 100% trust in her dominant then entering sub-space is probably not going to happen very easily. As a vigilant dominant I see LK slip into her sub-space almost as a trance, the meditative state that I mentioned earlier. And then as the scene builds and the endorphins begin to be released she enters a deeper type of sub-space. Once in sub-space, I like to think of it as her mind is lagging behind her body’s sensations. As she slips deeper and deeper into her sub-space her mind continues to fall further and further behind her body’s sensations. When LK is in a deep sub-space it literally is as though she no longer feels any pain, only pleasure.

Often, after being in sub-space, Little Kaninchen can not immediately remember much of anything. Depending on the level or depth of her sub-space she may not fully remember many events that took place until a day or maybe days afterward.

When the scene is over she is what I like to call “broken” or at least this is always my goal. She literally can not function physically or physiologically. She doesn’t have immediate control over her body and can not answer the most basic of questions.

Immediately after the scene the Dominant needs to administer proper aftercare.

husDom