D/s – More Than Just a Fad

“I also learned today that he is really taking me serious now. He admitted that he thought it was just a fantasy or phase that I was going through (due to 50 Shades!!!) and that it was going to go away. I asked him what made him change his mind….he said that I keep bringing it up and keep pursuing it. He figured out about a week ago that I was not just going through a phase, that I was serious and that he probably needed to step up his game!”

I often refer to myself as guarded when it comes to my emotions and this particular comment really struck a chord with me. The feeling that this Fifty Shades D/s stuff that my LK wanted so badly was just a fad or a phase was more than just a consideration of mine.

For the past twenty some years LK and I considered ourselves as equals in our relationship. We spent a great deal of our time and energy trying to convince the other that our own ideas and point of views were better than the others, even when we were basically saying the same things. We jockeyed for position…

Again, LK is not beneath me, we are still partners in life. Little Kaninchen trusts me to make the right decisions. My decisions take heavily her point of view as consideration, I simply have the final say. We communicate better now than we ever have before. Over the past year of our journey there has not been one single decision made by me that we didnt discuss in great detail and that we were not in total agreement. She has allowed me to be the captain…

When Little Kaninchen first brought this lifestyle to my attention after reading the Fifty Shades series I thought that this phase would pass and pass quickly. I was sure that it must have been a romantic sexy book to get her this excited but that once I finally was to give in and really desire this lifestyle she would no longer want it for herself. There is a lot of sacrifice on the submissive’s part. I felt as though she would soon realize this and grow tired of serving me.

Well gentleman… I couldn’t have been more wrong. Little Kaninchen has really taken to being my submissive more than I could have ever expected. She takes pride in pleasing me, truly! Little Kaninchen is more devoted to me and my happiness now than ever before as I am to her and her happiness. This desire of hers hasn’t burned itself out like I originally suspected it would, in fact, it has blossomed. Blossomed into a new and wonderful life for the two of us.

If you are hesitant that your wife’s desires are soon going to fade back to what they once were, just consider for a moment that they may not. Contemplate the lifestyle that she has suggested, the lifestyle that you yourself desire.

I will have to say that for myself, there appear to be more D/s relationships that fail because of fear, trepidation and phobias than fail because the participants didn’t find what they were looking for once they truly committed.

HusDom

Your Controls

“I need/want to trust him that he is going to lead us down the right path, that his decisions are going to be what’s best for us/family. For the past 19 years I have made most of those decisions…”

For myself and LK we tried as diligently as anyone to make our marriage an equal partnership. We would both admit today that it wasn’t equal; I was making most of the important decisions in our relationship. We have always been on the same page but the fine details I usually dealt with. As I have mentioned before in other posts this trying to be equal scenario is a hotbed for arguments and hard feelings.

A flight crew consists of only one captain and one first officer (co-pilot).

It is important to remember that a D/s relationship, especially a married D/s relationship, needs to be what works for the two of you. Do not measure yourselves with someone else’s yardstick; simply be yourselves and do what works for the two of you. Do not try and force your round butts into square pants.

“…AND I don’t know if I trust him enough to take complete control.”

I wouldn’t dream of just handing over the keys to the jet and ask him to start flying while you and the kids quietly buckle yourselves in and begin reviewing the passenger safety cards.

A submissive is handing over her control that does not mean that she can longer contribute. LK has certain qualities and attributes that I do not possess. A good leader will capitalize on those attributes and take her input into consideration allowing him to make better decisions.

As the captain (DOM) I rely heavily on Little Kaninchen’s knowledge and skill as my co-pilot to help navigate us through the night. The co-pilot may navigate but the captain has the final authority.

If I were a brand new captain fresh off of IOE, I would listen carefully to my nineteen year co-pilot…

Don’t make D/s more difficult than it is… It can be quite simple…

HusDom

A D/s Style Argument

A few weeks ago Little Kaninchen and myself had an argument so to speak. At least in our vanilla days it would have been an argument. I had said something to her that was condescending and I said it in a condescending manner. I didn’t realize that I was doing so but I was. She finally got disgusted with me and lashed out. My vanilla self would have been up for the fight. I would have jumped right in to prove to her that I was correct. That I was superior… In actuality I would have been fighting for dominance.

Her outburst did in fact upset me. The situation also left me wondering what to do, after all I am the dominant. And as her dominant I am the leader. The one looked upon in times of turmoil to have knowledge and to do the right thing, make the correct decision and to be consistent.

As a dominant I didn’t need to fight for my dominance… Little Kaninchen had given that to me long ago. This left me in a much calmer situation. A situation where I could calmly decide my course of action. Needless to say, we did not fight. No ill words were exchanged. I explained to her that I would require more respect from her than I was currently receiving. She again shot back a vanilla quip trying to provoke me into an argument and once again she received no such response. It was late in the evening when this situation occurred so there wasn’t a lot of time for our frustration to grow. We simply went to bed without discussing it. (A major mistake that any married person can attest to)

The next morning we both laid in bed in each others arms and discussed what had happened the evening prior.

She curled up in my arms and said that she felt as though we were broken. She couldn’t stand the vanilla way in which I was treating her. She felt as though our D/s relationship was in jeopardy.
I apologized for my condescending behavior toward her the night before. I explained that we were not broken, that I was punishing her for her behavior. In hindsight, I should have made it clear the evening prior, before we went to bed, that I was indeed punishing her and what the punishment was. By not doing so I created a scenario in which she felt that are D/s was broken.

Her punishment was that she did not wear her cuffs to bed the night prior, nor did she ask. And that the next day we would not have sex, even though I just got back in town and our children were in school. And I would not refer to her as Little Kaninchen.

Basically the punishment was a completely vanilla day, 24 hours from the infraction.

HusDom

Badge of Honor

“He’s made a few meager attempts to spank me… never very hard, never painful, never truly dominant.”

“I’m not sure how to help him past the “I don’t want to hurt you” mindset.”

“he doesn’t want to hurt anyone”

It is a formidable thought for a vanilla husband to envision himself physically dominating his wife. My LK is the most precious person in my life, I absolutely adore her. To contemplate hurting her or causing her any physical or emotional pain would be unimaginable.

My first couple attempts at spanking LK were most likely,

“never very hard, never painful, never truly dominant”

After administering a spanking Little Kaninchen would reassure me by telling me things such as…

How great it felt to get spanked.

How a aroused she was receiving her spanking.

How she could “take so much more”.

My LK’s skin has always bruised very easily in the past. The first real spanking that I administered to her bottom left some light bruising under the surface of her skin. When I saw it for the first time I nearly felt sick to my stomach. Sick that I could have caused such trauma to this woman that I adore so much. She was standing in front of our dressing mirror examining her bottom. I urgently wanted to apologize to her. To let her know that I would never do anything like that to her again. To assure her that I was not a monster.

As my eyes lifted from her lightly bruised bottom to her face I couldn’t believe what I saw; Little Kaninchen’s face was beaming with pride. She loved the marks on her bottom. She called the small marks her “Badge of Honor”.

There is an entire science behind why the pain is transformed into pleasure and that’s not what this particular post is about. It is most intimidating to consider causing this precious woman any harm. As a HusDom you need to realize that you are not hurting her. If you do hurt her you will know it immediately. You wouldn’t need to ask. Her reaction won’t be a whimper, a moan or a grimace, she will be in pain, real pain. Pain like shutting her hand in a door kind of pain. Anything short of that rely on your simple safe words and trust her to communicate if she is no longer enjoying the scene.

HusDom

Man Up!

I receive many emails at MrFox@husdom.com asking me for advice. A common statement from many submissive’s is “man up”‘ paraphrased of course.

While in the beginning it is imperative that the submissive nurture her husband into his dominant role it is equally important that the husband man up. As husbands we have become afraid to put ourselves out there, really out there, especially with our wives. Most likely because in the past, our vanilla past, we have been emasculated during arguments or disagreements. It’s amazing how in the heat of an argument we will say things to hurt the ones that we love the most. Usually these statements are to knock the other person down a notch allowing us dominance or stature above the other person. It’s about positioning.  It’s about Dominance!

Your submissive has already come to you and asked for your dominance. Imagine the courage that it took for her to do that!

I am still in awe of LK’s courage to reveal her true desire to me. Whenever I began to have doubt or would experience trepidation regarding leaving myself vulnerable to LK I would bear in mind what my Little Kaninchen has already done and how vulnerable she has positioned herself without knowing what my reaction would be to her revelation. As a HusDom you should already know that she not only will accept your dominance she craves it.

So, “man up”!

Let your guard down. A D/s relationship is much different than a vanilla relationship. You no longer need to engage in skirmishes for dominance. Yes you will make mistakes. Yes she will accidentally say something vanilla to challenge you or unintentionally damage your male ego. Relax, you both want the same thing and have the same goal. You will find that the communication between the two of you will become more enhanced than you could have ever imagined.

HusDom