What is a D/s contract?
A contract is simply an agreement used to outline the responsibilities and expectations of both the Dominant and the submissive. The use of contracts in the world of D/s are oftentimes controversial. Like many other facets in the BDSM community, terms, definitions and the uses of them, make it all too easy to become confused. D/s contracts can be a basic single paragraph or a much more intricate several page document, either way they should remain clear and concise.
D/s contracts are often used for each partner to pledge or vow their commitment to the lifestyle and to one another, similar to a marriage contract.
Negotiating a D/s-M (married) contract is an awful choice of words. Negotiating the contract isn’t really like a typical negotiation at all; It isn’t give and take, concessions and gains. Those types of negotiations are seldom ever open and honest. You wouldn’t begin a typical negotiation by asking for exactly what you wanted, you would ask for more allowing yourself room to negotiate. Negotiating a D/s-M (married) contract is really learning about one another and setting limits and expectations. During “negotiations” you may ask your partner several follow up questions in order to better understand what the other person is comfortable or not comfortable doing.
I most likely can not change the mindset of the BDSM community but I would rather refer to this “negotiation” procedure as a time of discovery and amendment. Discovery as in the legal term, pre-trial or pre-D/s, to obtain evidence or information from the other party through questioning or documents. As both parties begin to develop a better understanding of each other the contract may need to be amended to accommodate both the Dominant’s and the submissive’s wants, needs and desires.
Do you and Little Kaninchen have a D/s contract?
Currently Little Kaninchen and myself do not have a formal D/s-M (married) contract or document. We do, however, have written rules. When we began our journey I glanced at a few contracts and didn’t believe that they were applicable to a long-term married couple. The contracts that I reviewed, were in my opinion, more intended as slave agreements. They were hard and cold, not representing the loving respect that I have for my LK. They were also written for what appeared to be two strangers that didn’t even know each other’s names. Many contracts that I came across may belong in a book or a movie but had little value in a real-life 24/7, married with children D/s-M relationship. Little Kaninchen and myself have been married for many years and are quite acquainted with one another.
What we did do with the contract I would recommend as a must for all beginners. Online we found a formal, rather long and detailed contract. We spent an evening in bed reading the contract to one another. Laughing at the ridiculousness of some of the formalities and limits and learning from the sections that we could relate to. As we were laughing and joking we learned a lot about one another and our sexualities. It gave me remarkable insight to my submissive’s new perception of her sexuality. It also clarified her soft and hard limits which at the time was probably only half a dozen items on this extremely thorough list of activities. As LK was jumping into D/s with both feet and begging for more, more, more, it was up to me to find our limits without crashing right through them. This time spent reviewing and discussing almost everything imaginable regarding sex left me with a greater understanding of what she was desiring. Without our discussion I would have completely underestimated the gravity of what Little Kaninchen truly desired.
Recently we had our D/s anniversary and reviewed our limits. It is important to say “our” limits. I, believe it or not, have two more limits than LK. Little Kaninchen has just a few hard limits remaining, our growth is amazing. They are the really disgusting, completely gross, probably not legal in most countries, kind of limits that will never change.(I did mention that the contract that we reviewed was thorough). LK also said to me that she completely trusts me, knowing that I would never do anything to harm her, and said that she would do anything that I asked, and she meant it. Hearing my submissive say those words to me and knowing that she sincerely means them touches my soul.
Should we begin our journey with a contract?
Previously, I could not obtain a suitable D/s contract for LK and myself and I decided to forego this detail. After writing this post I have decided that I owe it to my LK and myself to create one. A contract will add another layer of formal protocol to our D/s-M (married) lifestyle that I know my LK truly desires.
I am open to any and all suggestions regarding contracts. Please forward information to MrFox@husdom.com
If others are interested I will post a sample D/s contract when I am finished.
husDom
HusDom 