husDom’s Rules

husDom’s Rules…

Recently I have been asked by several readers many questions regarding my rules for my Little Kaninchen. I must admit that my ambiguous answers to these requests have been intentional, our specific behaviors are personal and intimate to me.

A major concern of mine is that rules should be very specific to the individuals. What works for LK and myself may be dreadful and disastrous for others.

I would love to see more about rules

sharing the rules would be great

Unfortunately, there is a considerable deficiency of available information either in books or online that reference D/s and married couples. Many of these resources list rules that are tedious, dark and right out of some fictional novel that were written to take your breath away. Well, in my 24/7, married to the woman of my dreams, children living at home, professional career, surrounded by vanilla people world, these rules don’t seem to fit.

After much deliberation, and a recent incident involving a good friend of mine, I have decided to post my rules online for others to see.

By revealing my rules I hope to help other couples obtain a basic and more importantly, realistic understanding of setting rules for their submissive.

I created a new category labeled “husDom’s Rules”. I will be listing my rules one at a time, and when required accompanied by a brief explanation.

My initiative will begin with individual posts regarding:

1- Contracts

2- Negotiating (this topic is discussed in the Contract post)

3- Limits – Hard & Soft

4- husDom’s Rules

Please be aware that I review my rules with Little Kaninchen approximately once a quarter and edit them as required.

husDom

The Blindfold

Beginning a scene, especially as a new HusDom, can prove to be quite daunting.

He is looking at his submissive ready to take control of her. He has given this moment a lot of serious consideration and in his mind he has composed a magnificent scene to be acted out by the two of them with him as the director and her as his pupil. Her eyes are cast toward the floor out of respect.

His own voice sounds foreign to him as he speaks his commands. He is not quite as confident as he thought that he once was. He can hear in his own voice the tone of uncertainty, she must recognize it as well. If she looks at his face she is unquestionably going to recognize his anxiety. His distress continues to breach his self confidence..

She is patiently waiting as he has instructed her to do… The Dom that he was just moments before he began is rapidly slipping away, diminishing by the second…

Placed on the leather ottoman beside his submissive is a tray with a few instruments displayed neatly on it. With sweat beginning to develop on his brow, he reaches down and selects the black leather blindfold. As she sits on the ottoman he slowly walks around her until he is facing her, her eyes still cast downward. “Close your eyes” he instructs. He reaches out and runs his fingers through her beautiful long blond hair, his fingers pressing hard on her scalp almost pulling her hair as he slides his fingers from the front of her head all of the way over the top and down her neck. “Good girl,” he says softly. He leans in toward her and draws a deep breath through his nostrils, “I love the way you smell,” he whispers to her as he releases her hair causing her chin to drop forward as she was pulling against the resistance of his hand.

He slowly maneuvers the blindfold over her head and covers her eyes. He can tell by the sharpness of her breath that she is a little startled. “Breathe,” he says and she begins to calm. He reaches up and gently takes her chin in his hand and passionately kisses her mouth. For an instant she doesn’t react. As her mind begins to measure what is happening to her she reciprocates and begins to kiss him back with voracity. He pulls away without so much as a whisper.

He steps back quietly and begins to examine her. She sits perfectly still, she is his submissive. She derives her pleasure from pleasing him. Her breathing is deep and purposeful, her mouth is still hung open from the kiss. She is not afraid. He reaches out with his index finger and slowly traces across her back from the tip of one shoulder to the other. He can tell by her expression and her rhythmic breathing that she is enjoying this. “Now place your hands behind your back for me,” he commands. She does so without hesitation.

My LK loves to be blindfolded. The blindfold takes away one of her five senses, sight. The elimination of one of her senses will heighten or enhance her remaining four senses which can, or in Little Kaninchen’s case, it will be quite arousing.

For a new HusDom the blindfold will have a profound effect on him as well.

It will give him a feeling of anonymity.

The blindfold will allow him the opportunity to see her without giving her the opportunity to see him. He can now step back and look at her, study her without her knowing what he is doing. He can study her breathing, her expressions, her subtle noises. After all of those years with my LK I didn’t really know her at all, not like this. After doing this just a few times I knew her much more intimately, more deeply than all of our years together prior. It is amazing how much you can learn by watching and paying attention to someone.

The blindfold allows you to lower your guard.

You had the scene planned so well in your mind but it seldom goes exactly as planned. As you will most likely flounder a bit in the beginning, your submissive will be completely unaware of your difficulties, she is unable to see you. She won’t be able to tell if you have a worried look on your face or a look of fascination or of complete admiration. For example, you have already started your scene only to realize that you left your nipple clamps in the toy box in your bedroom closet. Without her sight inhibited she would see you walk over to the closet and know exactly what you were doing and realize that it was a faux pas. With her senses degraded she will only be able to hear you move around without knowing what you are actually doing. Her anticipation will begin to grow rapidly as she waits for your next command. Her adrenaline will increase along with her heart rate. She will become more aroused as she waits with anticipation.

All of this from a simple blindfold…

I recommend introducing only one new item into your repertoire at a time. If all goes well during this scene consider adding some music during the next scene. The blindfold inhibits one of her senses while the music will degrade one of her remaining four senses. Your choice and volume of the music will also add to the ambience.

HusDom

A D/s Style Argument

A few weeks ago Little Kaninchen and myself had an argument so to speak. At least in our vanilla days it would have been an argument. I had said something to her that was condescending and I said it in a condescending manner. I didn’t realize that I was doing so but I was. She finally got disgusted with me and lashed out. My vanilla self would have been up for the fight. I would have jumped right in to prove to her that I was correct. That I was superior… In actuality I would have been fighting for dominance.

Her outburst did in fact upset me. The situation also left me wondering what to do, after all I am the dominant. And as her dominant I am the leader. The one looked upon in times of turmoil to have knowledge and to do the right thing, make the correct decision and to be consistent.

As a dominant I didn’t need to fight for my dominance… Little Kaninchen had given that to me long ago. This left me in a much calmer situation. A situation where I could calmly decide my course of action. Needless to say, we did not fight. No ill words were exchanged. I explained to her that I would require more respect from her than I was currently receiving. She again shot back a vanilla quip trying to provoke me into an argument and once again she received no such response. It was late in the evening when this situation occurred so there wasn’t a lot of time for our frustration to grow. We simply went to bed without discussing it. (A major mistake that any married person can attest to)

The next morning we both laid in bed in each others arms and discussed what had happened the evening prior.

She curled up in my arms and said that she felt as though we were broken. She couldn’t stand the vanilla way in which I was treating her. She felt as though our D/s relationship was in jeopardy.
I apologized for my condescending behavior toward her the night before. I explained that we were not broken, that I was punishing her for her behavior. In hindsight, I should have made it clear the evening prior, before we went to bed, that I was indeed punishing her and what the punishment was. By not doing so I created a scenario in which she felt that are D/s was broken.

Her punishment was that she did not wear her cuffs to bed the night prior, nor did she ask. And that the next day we would not have sex, even though I just got back in town and our children were in school. And I would not refer to her as Little Kaninchen.

Basically the punishment was a completely vanilla day, 24 hours from the infraction.

HusDom

He is a perfect “Gentleman”.

“He is a perfect Gentleman…”

A Loving Dominant is always a perfect Gentleman.

Being a Dominant is not about being domineering. A respectful dominant does not rule arbitrary. He does not posses an uncontrolled, unlimited power. He posses the power granted to him by his submissive.

A gentleman is a sensitive well mannered man.

“He doesn’t want to hurt anyone…”.

Dominants do not hurt or cause their submissive’s any harm. Submissive’s want to be dominated not hurt.

A masochist submissive may enjoy some pain from time to time but would not enjoy being hurt or sustaining bodily injury.

“and is gentle and kind.”

A loving Dominant is gentle and kind.

“This all is against his nature.”

Some may say that this is in fact nature at it’s best. Instincts and predispositions of the human species.

Primal if you will…

As you begin your own personal journey into this lifestyle do not be paralyzed by your own prejudice or preconceived notions. Each and every journey will be an extremely personal and intimate one.

A Dominant or Gentleman may place his hand on the small of his submissive’s back to guide her as she walks or enters through a doorway.

A Dominant or Gentleman may place his fingers or hand on the side of his submissive’s cheek or chin as he looks deeply into her eyes before he kisses her passionately.

There are many illustrations that I could use to make my point but I don’t want to overshadow the actual lesson. The actual acts of Dominance and Submission vary from couple to couple. There are people practicing many different D/s behaviors. Choose the behaviors that are comfortable to you and your partner and begin there. I continually refer to my “journey”, because it is in fact a journey. I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that today I was a Dom. It began with the most simple gestures and has continued to grow each and every day. I’m sure that five years from now I will look back at this past year and consider it just the beginning.

2bDom

Yellow

Kaninchen and I have safe words.

Red, Yellow, Green.

Red – Discontinue play immediately, something is wrong.
Yellow – Slow down or stop doing that.
Green – I’m okay, harder or more.

Kaninchen’s favorite color would be green, green, green or at least one would think because that is all I usually hear.

I have yet to hear red and hope that I never do.

However, I have heard yellow 3 times now.

The first time that I heard yellow I had LK’s arms suspended above her head. We had been playing for quite a while and she was deep in her sub-space. Our play was beginning to get intense and instead of slowing down and letting her mind catch up with her body I increased the intensity. Kaninchen’s body began to behave uncontrollably. Her mind was conflicted between pleasure and pain. At this point all of the pain had ceased but we had been on that fine line for so long that her senses were overwhelmed and she couldn’t distinguish the difference between pleasure and pain. That is my goal! She could almost derive pleasure from anything at that point.

All of the sudden Kaninchen uttered, “Yellow!”

Now I must admit that my demeanor during time critical emergency situations is second to none. The more challenging the situation the calmer I become, almost to a fault. So what did Mr. Calm, Cool and Collected do? I reached up and released the quick release knots that I tied to instantly remove LK from her dilemma. Kaninchen’s flaccid arms came plunging down to her hips. Her cuffs still bound her wrists together. She was in her sub-space, incapacitated of of sorts, incoherent. In the blink of an eye I went from overwhelming her senses in sub-space on the edge of an incredible orgasm to falling from the sky with no warning at all. I quickly grabbed her up and rushed her to the bed. Begging her to tell me what I had done to her. ( not my most Dom’ly moment)

Looking back I believe that the cause for my crucial overreaction was that whatever had happened to Kaninchen, my most prized possession, the woman that I love more than anything, happened because of what I had done to her. I was the cause. The one to blame. It was my fault. My hysterical overreaction prematurely ended one our hottest scenes and left LK scared and not understanding what had just happened to her.

Yellow – Slow down or stop doing that.

Simple enough… But difficult to do…

The second time Kaninchen said yellow I didn’t completely over react, however, I did completely stop what I was doing and once again ruined the scene. Again, she wasn’t in any pain or discomfort. Her senses were overwhelmed again and her mind needed to catch up to her body. The pleasure was overwhelming her!

Yellow – Slow down or stop doing that.

The third time I heard yellow I finally got it. She wasn’t asking, wanting or expecting me to stop. She just needed a few seconds for her mind to catch up. For her to realize that the sensations were in fact pleasurable. I didn’t stop! I didn’t ask her if she was alright! I didn’t ask her what was wrong! I simply slowed down, backed off a little. That was it. I monitored her very intently; Her breathing, her sweating, her sounds, her eyes, her everything. A few seconds later her mind had determined that she was alright and that she could continue. Without speaking a word I could recognize this realization and continued to a place, a level we had never been.

Later when we discussed the situation she was barely aware that this had taken place. She wasn’t panicking at all, she just needed a second. A second to catch up.

Yellow – Slow down or stop doing that.

If you have not heard your submissive say yellow, now is a good time to consider your reaction. When it does happen remember, don’t stop! She didn’t say red she said yellow. Don’t ask questions. Don’t think that you have done anything wrong. Do not blame yourself. Don’t apologize! You have got her on the edge. Most likely the edge of something incredibly fantastic. Stick to your negotiated plan…

Yellow – Just means Yellow!